Sweet Memories and Pride in the Journey Made

Reveling in the steps taken

Author photo from my walk.

Four years ago, on July 3, my husband was in a cancer hospital, watching the fireworks dancing across the downtown skyline. The next night, I found myself in my backyard doing the same, but with puppy-dog tears streaming down my face as I sensed that problematic news about his condition was ahead.

A little over a month later, we found ourselves facing our worst nightmare.

As the years have passed, the sorrow of loss has been replaced by the sweetness of memories. I cherish the days, recalling how our children played and laughed together, and relishing joyful memories of them marching in the parade, swimming at the city pool, and grilling burgers in our backyard with friends and their families. These moments are filled with smiles and warmth, and they prevail in my heart.

I’m lucky this year. I will have family with me for the holiday. We’ll laugh, grill, reminisce, and await fireworks. All will be well.

As I await their arrival late in the day, I do what I do best: I put on my walking shoes, sunglasses, and a ball cap, and head out on the path to walk into beauty and escape sad thoughts. By 10 AM, it was already warm and humid, and I found myself contemplating how far I’ve come, both in the many miles I’ve walked and in my healing.

Today, I’ll see my husband in the faces of our adult children. I’ll hear his voice in their laughter. They’ll use the same expressions he did, which will make me giggle with delight.

A year ago today, I published a story on Medium about our last Fourth of July in 2021. It was a day filled with bittersweet moments, a day that taught me the true meaning of resilience and the power of love. What I learned is worth repeating here:

He taught me the grace of appreciating the small moments in life throughout our marriage, but never more than that night.

I was already home, after a day spent with him, sitting on my patio. He called to tell me what it was like to see the beauty from his high perch. I reciprocated the next night when our community’s fireworks display occurred. We stayed on the phone throughout each event, both nights.

He had every reason, and so did I, to feel cheated and angry. Instead, he adopted a tactic I should have expected from this loving man.

As we said goodnight, he was a bit emotional and declared what a great life we had and how lucky he was to celebrate another Fourth of July with me. I never knew him to be anything but optimistic, so why would I have been surprised? ~ Candy Kennedy

My yard is ready. The patio table is set. The food is prepared.

He would be proud. I’ve managed to do everything we used to do as a team, and he would be even prouder that my life is again fulfilling and happy.

Note: I am currently writing a piece about how I navigated this journey. Who would’ve dreamed I would emerge on the other side of loss after 40 years of marriage? Even more surprisingly, I have gained perspective on life while still cherishing its sweetness. I have opened my heart and mind, and I’m ready for whatever challenges lie ahead. I’m not sure what’s next in my life, but that’s the fun of it. We shall see.

I’m glad you’re along for the ride.

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Thanks for spending time with me.